I Got Stinky Feet, Volume Two by Dennis Domrzalski

Author:Dennis Domrzalski
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: humorous books, humor and comedy, humor comedy entertainment satire informational, humor satire, humourous poems, humor ebooks, humor fantasy, humor funnyirreverent
Publisher: Logan Square Press

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Chapter 26

A Nutty Escape

We were safe in the hotel. The mob, like everybody else in town, believed the building was haunted, and so they refused to walk up its front steps, let alone go in and drag us out and beat us with the sticks and empty beer bottles they carried. But they surrounded the place and settled in for a siege.

Kegs of beer, barbecue grills, lawn chairs and TVs and radios were brought in for the mob by other townsfolk, and they all had a party while waiting for us to come out.

I was scared. Each new shout from those beer-drinking lunatics for us to surrender and be killed left me wishing that I never left the grocery store job. That was a miserable, hopeless, dead-end existence, but it was better than being holed up in a hotel that was haunted by cows, and better than waiting to be killed.

And we were waiting to be killed. At least two hundred people had surrounded the hotel. They were armed with guns, rifles, baseball bats, tree branches, steel pipes, hammers, screwdrivers, beer bottles, pitchforks, crowbars, old shoes, dirty underwear—you name it, they had it. By late afternoon they had made two hangman’s nooses out of ropes and thrown them over thick tree branches. All afternoon they shouted for us to come out and be hanged. The situation was hopeless, I thought, because even if we could have gotten out of the hotel unseen, we could have never gotten to our bikes and made an escape because the bikes were parked right in front of the place. We’d never get past that mob!

Dave was calm. His serenity affected me and I slowly became less despairing and more confident, and I started thinking of plans for bold action.

“We’ll use the Chicago thing on them!” I shouted. “We’ll drive them crazy!”

“No. It’s not necessary,” Dave said. “You only use the amount of force necessary to achieve your goal. These people are harmless. Using Chicago on them would be like using a sledgehammer to kill an ant. It would be a waste of resources.”

“Then we’ll dig our way out of the basement with nails and pieces of broken glass. It might take weeks or months, but we’ll do it.”

“Naah. Too much work.”

“Why don’t we just call the cops and demand a police escort out of here?”

“That would make us look like sissies. Besides, I think the police chief is one of those out there who’s calling for us to be hanged.”

“So what do we do?”

“We relax, drink beer and wait for night, when we will carry out my simple, but effective plan.”

We couldn’t relax, though, because we had no beer. And the old man at the desk refused to go out and get some. Since the only beer around was in the kegs that the mob had, we had to put Dave’s plan into effect early. He tore the white bed sheets off two beds, cut eye, nose and mouth holes in them with a pair of scissors, and threw one over me and the other over himself.

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